People think once a person has left the abuse, everything will be alright. Even the abused will think this; unfortunately this is not the case. It is like having ‘after-shocks’; like a pebble which has been thrown into a pool, the ripples extend outwards for quite a while after the pebble has disappeared from view.
A lot will depend on the type of person you are, the type of abuse experienced, the length of time and so many other factors; as to the after effects experienced and for how long after. Help received afterwards can help reduce these effects too. The majority of abused will experience depression and even Post Traumatic Stress.
Women who have experienced domestic violence are:
5 times more likely to attempt suicide
3 times more likely to be diagnosed as depressed
15 times more likely to abuse alcohol
9 times more likely to abuse drugs.
‘In a study of 255 women with histories of abuse, 80% had post traumatic stress..’ (Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence, by Kubany).
I still (4 years on) have nightmares that can be triggered by a number of things, even watching the soaps on television. I am not condemning the soaps, it is simply I cannot personally watch them.
When I go out I still look for the nearest escape route and I will not sit with my back to it or large groups of people. Certain looking men (those that resemble my 2nd ex) put me on edge and I will cross the road to avoid them. At one point I wouldn’t go into town on a Saturday afternoon in case I accidentally bumped into my 2nd ex and even now I will avoid passing particular pubs that I know he frequents.
These types of behaviour are normal and natural in the beginning, but not when it starts to control your life – just like he controlled your life. You have to take a step back at some point and say enough is enough, I have rights and I can go where I like, when I like. It’s not easy, I know, but the joy and wonderment you will feel once you take control back for yourself is unbelievable.
Thank you so much for sharing. I too am a victim of domestic violence (I stayed with my abuser for over 40 years). It is so hard for those who have not lived through it to understand the lasting effects, and how it makes someone feel. This will be helpful for family and friends of a woman who has been through the same situation.
ReplyDeleteIt's now my mission to help women either escape domestic violence situations or to cope with its effects.
Domestic violence can harmful mentally & physically as well. one of the thing that you'll have to face is legal issue because domestic violence is legally a crime and i must say that information you shared is quite shocking.
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