High Horse

68% of children witness parent's abuse

When a man is violent to their partner there is 70% chance of him being violent to his children

93% of juvenile sexual assault survivors know their attackers

I am on my high horse this week. It is something I have had many arguments about with certain so called professionals.

I was five years old when mom and I left dad due to domestic violence; I still have very clear memories of incidents prior to this; some of the abuse and other unrelated memories. I can go back quite easily to my third birthday.

My first two children (by my 1st ex), were 2 and 3 years old when social services got involved. I was told by them that the children would soon forget about the abuse they had seen.

My last two children (by my 2nd ex), were 1 and 2 years old – again I was told ‘they will soon forget everything’.

In each case I argued vehemently against this statement – each time I was ignored and classed as a trouble maker.

Over time I have asked various groups of people of their first images and how old they were – on average the response has been 2 to 4 years old.

I was extremely fortunate to meet a very kind and understanding, as well as experienced psychiatrist, without prompting he told me that children as young as 2, do remember things and they remember very strong images such as domestic violence. I literally sat there and cried – I felt so vindicated, children should never see domestic violence at any level. Films are age rated against violence for a reason, so why shouldn’t that be a clue that children are affected by violence at a young age? See: http://tv.uk.msn.com/news/articles.aspx?cp-documentid=155827336

My eldest, when he was 14 years old, mentioned an incident where he kicked his own dad in the privates, to try and get his dad off me. My ex was strangling me at the time. My son was only 3 years old when this happened and he still remembers it.

Please put children before all else – they do not deserve to suffer. I thought I was doing the right thing in keeping a family, now I know differently.