The 3rd type of Bancroft's abusers.

Egypt; 35% of women are beaten by husbands.

42% of women in Fiji get beaten by husbands/partners when pregnant.

In Zambia 5 women a week are murdered by a male partner or family member.

Domestic Violence accounts for ¼ of all violent crime in the UK.

The 3rd type of Bancroft's abusers.
(3rd out of 10, Categories of Abusive Men as per Lundy Bancroft)

The Water Torturer – (more psychological abuse)

These are what the abusive man thinks!


Guess what – the woman is the crazy one, the one who flies off the handle over nothing! He will be quiet and have a nasty grin on his face as he makes out that you’re the one with the problem. He will be sarcastic, mimic your voice, make nasty comments about you.

The abuser can get you to believe that he can influence other people in believing you are crazy. After all you are the one who shouts, he doesn’t! But the words that are spoken are abusive!

If the abuser stays calm, doesn’t shout etc, how can you call him an abuser? He hasn’t done anything wrong! It doesn’t matter that I tell you that you are ugly, evil, a bitch and you’re not worth anything – it’s not abuse!

I know how to press your buttons to wind you up to breaking point and I will do it when I like!


Common statements he might make:

“See you’re the one who can’t control your temper!”

“It’s for your own good.”

"You are ugly and a bitch."

This type of abuser is very deceptive and it can a long time for the woman to recognise it and even longer to break away and then even longer to recover!


My 1st husband wasn't like this in the end as he couldn't control his temper. However in the beginning he would discredit me in sly ways and he destroyed all my confidence and self esteem. I put weight on and wouldn't go out, I was afraid of a 'scene' when we went out. I believed as I still do that I am fat and ugly and that no one will ever love me. This has gone on for 20 years, now I am taking action and trying to reverse the damage he did to me.

My 2nd husband at the end of our relationship told me "Who will want you?"
It still hurts.