The 4th type of Bancroft's abusers.
The Drill Sergeant
Yep, think of the traditional army drill sergeant, the one who keeps you under control otherwise you will end up doing things wrong. Even going in the bath you need his permission. He will also be very critical of your clothing.
He knows how everything should be done and you cannot question him. He knows how the toilet has to be cleaned; he knows how to cook the meat.
You are not allowed to have anyone else in your life, no friends, no family. He is all you need. This is a tactical approach to isolate the abused. He will even listen into phone calls to make sure his demands are adhered too.
He will watch you even in your sleep so that you cannot develop your self-esteem, independence or knowledge about his abusive behaviour.
The strange aspect of this person is when he says that he loves you more than anything, yet you disgust him! (I still cannot get my head round this statement from a personal point of view.)
Some comments he might make:
“You’re skirt is too short.”
“You can’t go out with your friends.”
“You have to be back home at 10 o’clock or else.”
“They pretend to be your friends but they are just using you.”
“I don’t like Amy, she is a slag and will lead you astray.”
Please note this is how an abuser thinks, it does not in any way mean that it is the right way to think or behave. Here I have tried to give you examples so that you can recognise the types of abuse that goes on. If you recognise these things, please get help, talk to a friend, a Domestic Violence Organisation. You can find them on the web, telephone books, or if you are totally stuck go to the police and they will point you in the right direction.
My 1st ex at the end of our relationship wouldn't let me in to the bathroom without him coming in to see what I was doing. If I used the phone, he would stop what he was doing and listen to the conversation too.
My 2nd ex, tried to isolate me, by stopping friendships and trying to stop communication with my mother.
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